Lois Lavrisa - 3 AM Friends

“Three A.M. Friends”
Lois Lavrisa
January 2008

While in college I got a three a.m. phone call from a friend who was alone and frantic- she had heard noise downstairs in her townhouse. She was ensconced in her second floor bedroom with the door locked. Without a second thought, I threw on my shoes and ran the half mile in the pitch dark - using a flashlight for illumination- to her rescue. Thankfully there hadn’t been a break in- a hungry raccoon had kicked over a trashcan outside her first floor door. Of course, it never crossed my mind not to help her. Though looking back- what the hell was I (a skinny young girl in pink flannel pajamas armed only with a flashlight) going to do face to face with a burglar anyway? However three a.m. friends don’t think from the head - they think from the heart.

We all need “three a.m. friends.” Theses are friends that can drop what they’re doing- no matter the time of day- and be there for us. And us for them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a one time thing or longer term. It got me thinking about how lucky I am to have so many three a.m. friends in my life.

Fifteen years ago I found out that my body produces (so far benign) neurofibromas. Since this discovery, I have had most of the tumors surgically removed. Yet there are a few dozen in my chest that are inoperable. I have been bounced around to dozens of doctors, and the best any of them could do was to recommend yearly CT scans to see if the tumors change or metastasize. Because we moved frequently, I kept my emotional distance as I set up house in each new place knowing that any day my highly skilled and sought after engineer husband could get recruited again, and another move would ensue. Why divulge something, to anyone, as personal as my medical mystery?

However, eight years ago a CT scan showed new growth in my chest wall. This time doctors guessed that it might be a form of a rare disease. Hearing their speculation, I took matters into my own hands. Research led me to a Neurofibromatosis clinic in Boston that would evaluate me. The worst case I would find out I had Neurofibromatosis, more familiar as the Elephant Man’s disease. Photos of the full blown disease’s ravages on the body overwhelmed and traumatized me. Nonetheless- I needed to face this head on and find out my fate. It’s dreadful enough I have these tumors- but did I also have this disease? While in conversation with a friend, I casually mentioned my impending solo day trip to Boston. She probed, and I skimmed on the fact that it was for medical reasons. I kid you not. As I finished the last breath of the sentence she blurted out “I don’t know what you’re going for but I’m getting a plane ticket and I’m going with you. You will not do this alone.” And she went with me. A three a.m. friend to be there through the stress of the unknown; to a relieving diagnosis -I don’t have Elephants Man’s disease.

Years ago- okay two decades ago- I took a chance and auditioned to be a professional cheerleader for the NBA Chicago’s Bulls team. After dance auditions, interviews and a talent portion - several hundred girls were cut. I made the final sixteen chosen as the Luvabull cheerleading squad for the Bulls. The point though is this- had I thought about my highly unlikely chance of making the squad- I would have walked right out or not even have gone in the first place. Many of the girls auditioning were professional models and dancers, and at the very least had some cheerleading experience. On the other hand, I was never a cheerleader (okay- I was on my High School pom pom squad) - and come on I was twenty five years old- most girls auditioning where in their late teens and early twenties. Who the hell did I think I was? I came from the Southside of Chicago, a lower middle income blue collar family- in my mind I was a little nobody from nowhere. My limited experience modeling was for a local department store. And my ballet and tap lessons at three years old hardly qualified me as a professional dancer.

But here’s the deal- my best friend went with me for the auditions. Even though she got cut in the first round she refused to leave me. She cheered me on as I made each cut. She never complained even though she spent countless hours waiting in small cramped hallways while I was in the ballroom auditioning. I feel I owe my optimism and endurance due to her support. She sacrificed her free time to stay with me as I earned a spot on the squad- regardless that she had wanted one too. Another three a.m. friend that let me achieve what I thought was highly improbable.

Additionally two of my biggest accomplishments were due in part to three a.m. friends. Without the support and commiseration of my college roommate, I don’t think I could have ever gone through the excruciating and stressful goal of completing a Masters degree in half the standard time. As part of our graduate scholarships we taught at the college as well as took double graduate class work loads (one time we had nine term papers due in a three week period.) It was insane- but seemed less so because we were on the same path. Without her empathetic encouragement I really believe that I would have crashed and burned out long before I completed my graduate degree. Whether it was typing research papers until the wee hours of the morning or letting off steam at college hangouts- we were there for each other as we both reached our goal.

More recently, I found a three a.m. writer friend here in Savannah. We met a few years ago during a writing course at a local University. From there we formed a friendship as well as a writers group. I can tell you now that without a doubt- had she not been in my life coaching me on- letting me bounce off plotting ideas, scenes, character dialogue and the like- my first novel would not have been completed. She is my writing soul sister. We root for each other when we get editor and agent requests for submissions, and comfort each other when a rejection rolls in. I feel very lucky to have her as a three a.m. friend along my path to become a published novelist.

So is it just luck that I have found so many three a.m. friends? Or is it merely coincidence? Or fate? To me it doesn't matter why, I’m just enormously grateful to have three a.m. friends in my life.

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